I feel kind of miserable.
I am surrounded by all these books I haven't read
like a miniature library
full of things only I would read.
But I hardly ever read anything.
And lately, this urge to read has swelled up
and I just grab books randomly, and open them up
and just read whatever was written on those pages.
I like how the words are put together
I don't read for the story or the characters
just the words that are written.
And I can barely read them for any amount of time.
My eyes are tired, my body is tired, and it is like I can't take all of 2 pages at once.
And I put it down and read from another book
just whatever page,
and the thing I feel
is that my chest area, my heart, is being filled
like when I eat vegetables
I feel full, but I know if it were something less healthy, I could eat more
and my eyes hurt to be open but I can't sleep.
And I feel like I will read more later
and the feeling just gets heavier, that I have to read, that I have to not waste my life, that I am tired of the pitiful things I have wasted my time doing.
But other than reading, the only thing I can really do is write these things.